i'm going to meet you now

today, I realize something that really important. a secret. a secret I've been kept in my life since long time ago. i know it's forbidden. i do realize. but i can do nothing. i can't. every time i try to against it, i always find a big failure for it. i have nothing to do with him. i have nothing. even just a piece of precious memory, i do not have it at all. i just have this secret. a damn secret. i love him for sure. no, no, no, wrong sentence. i'm STILL LOVING him...

From the people who just pass by
Compared to anyone else I wanted to find it first
The eyes voice that seemed like it was going to cry
I only get the sense to embrace you
If I call you name because I miss you,
The whole world seems to be you

Again I call you like this
Because of you I love you
I am going right now to see you
To me the love that was deeper than the tears
That you gave me

The road with the lights where I talked to you first
Still now, my heart shows the same
Everything that passes my tears
The memories that continue on for you
Truthfully if I tell you that I ended up loving you
Im scared that it would be awkward

Again I call you like this
Because of you I love you
I am going right now to see you
To me the love that was deeper than the tears
That you gave me
Even if I tell you that it is going to
be only you many times
If I am born again, I tell you that all

I need is your love
Compared to anyone else, I love you
Because you are living in my heart my mind
I am going right now to see you
I am carrying my promise and my soul
I am happy that it is you

curahan hatinya ...

kegelisahan itu terus terpancar dari raut wajahnya, dari sinar matanya, dari gerak bibir mungilnya, dari hembusan nafasnya, semuanya sangat jelas. SEJELAS-JELASNYA. dia sangat cemas, khawatir, takut, namun marah, enggan untuk bicara yang muluk-muluk. semuanya ia limpahkan padaku. semua curahan hatinya. aku hanya dapat tertegun. mendengar butir demi butir kata-katanya yang tajam. merasuk ke dalam hatiku. dia kesal, marah, kecewa pada diri orang itu. orang yang telah sangat egois selama ini. tak pernah memikirkan perasaannya. kekanakan. pantasnya masuk taman kanak-kanak saja, tak usahlah beranjak jadi orang dewasa. aku haru biru. tak kuasa menahan gejolak rasa yang ingin menyerukan butir kata penyemangat untuknya. aku menyeruak ke dalam lubuk hatiku yang paling dalam. haruskah aku katakan padanya kalau selama ini pun aku merasakan hal yang serupa? haruskah? aku tak punya ide baik lagi selain mengatakannya. ya, akhirnya aku mencaci maki orang itu. aku tau ini salah. tak pantaslah aku lakukan ini. lalu bagaimana degan orang itu? selama ini pun ia begitu. haruskah aku patuh pada hukum rimba? memangnya ini zaman apa? siti nurbaya, hah?